Reckless
I'm sure you will all be as pleased as I was to know that yesterday, CD8, my ovaries were back in their respective corners, keeping a chaste distance from each other as nature intended. I was directed to take 37.5 IU last night and come back in this morning.
This morning, CD9, I had two 20mm follicles on the right, one 19 or 20mm on the left, and whole mess of 15s and 16s lurking around on both sides. OK, well, sure. This is someplace we've been before.
The very nice female doctor who did my ultrasound this morning spent some time talking to me about it. I expressed some nervousness, then said something about lead follicles and she said quite frankly, "Well, they all ovulate into the fluid and then there's no way to control which ones and how many the fallopian tube picks up." Which is, I have to say, the first truly concise, hand-to-forehead, "ohhhhh now I get it" explanation of the total randomness of IUI (and hell, TTC in general) that I've ever heard. I mean, I guess if I had really thought about it, I would have realized that this is what happens. But there was a part of me that sort of visualized all available eggs pinging one-by-one down the tube like pinballs heading down the chute, biggest ones first, despite all experience and reason to the contrary.
The doctor told me that if I'd had a left tube, she would say that I had a very high chance of multiples. "With only one tube, though, it's really impossible to say. But you have to remember, this is not IVF. Your chances of getting pregnant at all are still only around 20 percent." Which echoes something Dr. SF said to me on my very first (successful) cycle, that the chances of not getting pregnant at all are still a lot greater than the chances of conceiving multiples
At any rate, assuming we were willing to go ahead, she said we'd trigger tonight, IUI Sunday morning. So I went ahead and asked the nurse to call in the Ovidrel script, and scheduled the IUI for Sunday. I can say with certainty that five years ago I would have pulled the plug on the cycle. But time and age and repeated failure can make you a little reckless.
When the nurse called with instructions for tonight, I asked her for my E2 level, and that did give me pause. Last cycle my E2 was 1128 on trigger day. Today it was--well, I left the Post-It I wrote it on at work, but it was just over 2000. If you take the E2 level as a general indicator of how many mature follicles there are, that's...a bit concerning. But I'm putting my head down and going ahead (and dragging my husband along with me). Like I said, a little reckless.
I've gotta say, the further in I get, the less I'm able to judge those families who end up with sextuplets. I can see a lot more clearly how it happens--and how once it does, it's hard to turn back. Because while we would definitely reduce higher-order multiples, I have to say that if I got pregnant with twins, there's a good chance I would continue the pregnancy. Even though twins in me is equivalent to at least triplets if not quadruplets in a normal uterus. And knowing this, I'm still willing to go ahead.
I'm just rambling at this point. I'm going to go do my trigger shot now. Hope this is the last time I ever have to inject myself with anything.
This morning, CD9, I had two 20mm follicles on the right, one 19 or 20mm on the left, and whole mess of 15s and 16s lurking around on both sides. OK, well, sure. This is someplace we've been before.
The very nice female doctor who did my ultrasound this morning spent some time talking to me about it. I expressed some nervousness, then said something about lead follicles and she said quite frankly, "Well, they all ovulate into the fluid and then there's no way to control which ones and how many the fallopian tube picks up." Which is, I have to say, the first truly concise, hand-to-forehead, "ohhhhh now I get it" explanation of the total randomness of IUI (and hell, TTC in general) that I've ever heard. I mean, I guess if I had really thought about it, I would have realized that this is what happens. But there was a part of me that sort of visualized all available eggs pinging one-by-one down the tube like pinballs heading down the chute, biggest ones first, despite all experience and reason to the contrary.
The doctor told me that if I'd had a left tube, she would say that I had a very high chance of multiples. "With only one tube, though, it's really impossible to say. But you have to remember, this is not IVF. Your chances of getting pregnant at all are still only around 20 percent." Which echoes something Dr. SF said to me on my very first (successful) cycle, that the chances of not getting pregnant at all are still a lot greater than the chances of conceiving multiples
At any rate, assuming we were willing to go ahead, she said we'd trigger tonight, IUI Sunday morning. So I went ahead and asked the nurse to call in the Ovidrel script, and scheduled the IUI for Sunday. I can say with certainty that five years ago I would have pulled the plug on the cycle. But time and age and repeated failure can make you a little reckless.
When the nurse called with instructions for tonight, I asked her for my E2 level, and that did give me pause. Last cycle my E2 was 1128 on trigger day. Today it was--well, I left the Post-It I wrote it on at work, but it was just over 2000. If you take the E2 level as a general indicator of how many mature follicles there are, that's...a bit concerning. But I'm putting my head down and going ahead (and dragging my husband along with me). Like I said, a little reckless.
I've gotta say, the further in I get, the less I'm able to judge those families who end up with sextuplets. I can see a lot more clearly how it happens--and how once it does, it's hard to turn back. Because while we would definitely reduce higher-order multiples, I have to say that if I got pregnant with twins, there's a good chance I would continue the pregnancy. Even though twins in me is equivalent to at least triplets if not quadruplets in a normal uterus. And knowing this, I'm still willing to go ahead.
I'm just rambling at this point. I'm going to go do my trigger shot now. Hope this is the last time I ever have to inject myself with anything.
Labels: infertility, project 2.0, unicornuate uterus
posted by electriclady at 9:50 PM
4 Comments:
This is so well said, I nodded all along. I understand, and I'd do the same. Fingers crossed.
Me too!
This is very well said, indeed.
I hope this is the last time for injections, too. Pleasepleaseplease.
Sending good vibes for one perfect connection!
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