6dp5dt
I know you will all be shocked, SHOCKED, to hear that I'm a little distracted right now. Thank goodness I had a productive day at work on Monday because the last day and a half has been a complete wash.
Second line reliably appeared this morning. I bought a couple more cheapy HPTs to get me through until Saturday--once I reach beta day, it seems silly to keep POAS.
Yes, I am saving all the tests and comparing the lines. Hell, I probably shouldn't admit this, but I still have shoved under my bathroom sink, way in the back, the HPTs I went through with my pregnancy with Bat Girl. Yes. I have in my home a collection of plastic sticks soaked in five-year-old pee. Don't judge me.
File under "chickens, counted before hatched":
• Yesterday morning my husband, after being shaken awake and having a pee-soaked stick waved in his befuddled face with the urgent whisper (Bat Girl was in the next room) "IT'S POSITIVE!", wandered into the kitchen and bleated, "I'm going to be FORTY-SIX YEARS OLD when this kid goes to kindergarten."
• Later, also from my husband: "[BG] is going to need her own room. She's not going to want to share a room with a 2-year-old when she's 7." Me: "Why don't we get through the blood tests first before we worry about that?"
Like I should talk. I expended a lot of energy yesterday thinking about when was the appropriate time to tell BG about a pregnancy. I also calculated my potential due date (July 28, in case you're wondering). It's all totally, ridiculously premature, considering I haven't even gotten my first beta yet. But I feel like I spent my entire first pregnancy, and especially the first few weeks of that pregnancy, tiptoeing around waiting for everything to go south, being afraid of what might happen. Being scared and negative isn't going to make it hurt any less if this whole thing goes to hell, so I might as well allow myself to dream.
Second line reliably appeared this morning. I bought a couple more cheapy HPTs to get me through until Saturday--once I reach beta day, it seems silly to keep POAS.
Yes, I am saving all the tests and comparing the lines. Hell, I probably shouldn't admit this, but I still have shoved under my bathroom sink, way in the back, the HPTs I went through with my pregnancy with Bat Girl. Yes. I have in my home a collection of plastic sticks soaked in five-year-old pee. Don't judge me.
File under "chickens, counted before hatched":
• Yesterday morning my husband, after being shaken awake and having a pee-soaked stick waved in his befuddled face with the urgent whisper (Bat Girl was in the next room) "IT'S POSITIVE!", wandered into the kitchen and bleated, "I'm going to be FORTY-SIX YEARS OLD when this kid goes to kindergarten."
• Later, also from my husband: "[BG] is going to need her own room. She's not going to want to share a room with a 2-year-old when she's 7." Me: "Why don't we get through the blood tests first before we worry about that?"
Like I should talk. I expended a lot of energy yesterday thinking about when was the appropriate time to tell BG about a pregnancy. I also calculated my potential due date (July 28, in case you're wondering). It's all totally, ridiculously premature, considering I haven't even gotten my first beta yet. But I feel like I spent my entire first pregnancy, and especially the first few weeks of that pregnancy, tiptoeing around waiting for everything to go south, being afraid of what might happen. Being scared and negative isn't going to make it hurt any less if this whole thing goes to hell, so I might as well allow myself to dream.
Labels: infertility, project 2.0
posted by electriclady at 4:31 PM
6 Comments:
When I was pregnant with Alden my doctor gave me a 50% chance of miscarrying. I got very guarded until a friend of mine gave me good advice about not deferring joy. I agree, it doesn't save you from any pain. I think you should absolutely allow yourself to daydream and plan.
Within reason! No jinxes!
Yay for dreams and wishes and hopes!! :-)
Yep. One of the great heartbreaks of not pursuing a second pregnancy was realizing that I was never going to be able to rewrite my pregnancy memories. I spent my whole pregnancy not embracing joy, not embracing the experience, not getting too far ahead of myself.
So stupid of me.
Seize the day.
I did the opposite. I was still worried throughout my entire pregnancy with Buddy that he wouldn't be a live birth. It was my coping mechanism, and it worked for me. But, everyone gets to react how they react, and I'm glad to hear you are experiencing hope and joy!
I also have pee sticks from both my successful pregnancies, and I actually saved a couple from the few unsuccessful ones. I relate. I compared shades of second lines through pregnancies years apart, yep. I was so sure I had it down and that I could reliably tell a range of beta from the shade of pink on a FRER. A line was not a line, in my book, it had to be a certain color and in a certain sequence. I was wrong! On my second successful pregnancy I obviously kept testing; the line kept darkening the first few days but between beta 1 an beta 2 it suddenly got faint...very faint... I was 100% sure the beta would come back low and that it would be another pregnancy labeled a chemical. But it wasn't, it had almost tripled and it all went well. So this is a cautionary tale not to get too caught up with comparing colors :) Happy to hear this is heading in the right direction, I agree you should let yourself be happy! Very happy!
I'm crossing everything I can cross for you and hoping like hell.
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