Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Breathing room

The last 2.5 months have been a whirlwind. We've taken four trips out of town--one to my husband's family, one to my family, one part-work-part-vacation trip, and then this past weekend a sad, unexpected trip to attend my husband's grandmother's funeral. (This was his mother's mother. It has been a terrible year for that side of the family.) We just got back today, and I'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed for more than two weeks straight at a time.

I've been working here and there--freelance is slow around the holidays. Spending a lot more time with Bat Girl, enjoying her nearly-3-ness, and also rolling my eyes in frustration at her nearly-3-ness. Latest personality development: flinging herself to the ground in despair when denied something she wants or when she can't manage something she's trying to do. Last week she lay on the living room carpet and wept for a full 20 minutes over something I can't even remember now--probably I wouldn't let her have another cup of soy milk, or she didn't want to pick up a stray Cheerio from the floor, or something equally devastating.

But she also continues to surprise and delight on a daily basis. Last night, I was saying goodnight and she gave me a big hug and said, "Thank you, Mama." "Thank you for what?" I asked. "Thank you for hugging me and loving me," she replied, and my heart just burst into a million little pieces. And I thought, maybe I'll only have one child, but if this is the one child I get, it's pretty good.

OH! And! After more than 6 messy months of potty training, including a massive regression in November and December (probably due to all the traveling plus BG starting daycare 2 days a week) where we went from 90% trained to 100% accidents (we are talking 4 or 5 truly gruesome weeks), BG finally seems to be trained. After all that time, it all suddenly clicked last week. I thought it was a fluke, but she was accident-free the whole weekend when we were running around to relatives and funeral home and church and cemetery etc. She even insisted on wearing underpants on the 5 hour car ride home (we'd put her in a Pull-up on the way there). I guess this was a case of it truly being darkest before the dawn--I seriously thought just a week before that we would never make it. Still in a diaper at night, of course, but I couldn't possibly care less. Now I just have to figure out how to wean her off all the stickers and chocolates and "poop presents" that were required to close the deal.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm avoiding the subject of IF and to-try-or-not-to-try. I'm still not ready to try again, nor is my husband. Nor are we even ready to talk about when and if to try. Not to mention how I've been spotting for the last 2 weeks without a proper period. Or how I can't even think about how much it will cost to try another IUI without insurance without feeling a little nauseated. So I'm just not thinking about it.