Monday, November 02, 2009

Slackers

Yesterday, as I headed across town to my clinic in the early morning light, I walked along one of the final legs of the marathon. As I dodged gaggles of cops and watched volunteers setting up the barriers and viewing stands for the crowds that would be arriving in a few hours, I thought about the long slow slog that is infertility, and wondered if I would ever make it to the finish line this time around.

I've been feeling pretty discouraged lately, and I know part of that is because of how long this is taking compared to how (relatively) easy it was the first time around--we messed around in treatment for a long time, but once we finally sorted out what my ovaries actually needed, I got pregnant on my first injectible cycle, which was the first cycle where we actually made it to IUI without getting canceled. I've started second-guessing myself and wondering if I should be doing things differently. Should I be eating better? Taking different supplements? Drinking more milk or eating less meat? Doing more yoga? And I keep thinking back to when I got pregnant with Bat Girl, and trying to figure out what was the X factor. Unfortunately, a lot of that is difficult to replicate now that I have a kid--I was in the best shape of my life, ate incredibly well, practiced yoga 3 to 6 hours a week and ran once a week, slept tons, etc.

And then I remind myself that the real differences between then and now are that (a) I stimmed too quickly last time and had 3 follicles going, with a side of mild OHSS, neither of which I want to repeat, and (b) I'm 3 years older now, and so are my ovaries, and I can't do anything about that.

As much as I don't want to duplicate that 2006 cycle (besides the positive results), it's hard not to feel anxious at how relatively slowly this current cycle is going. Back then, I triggered on day 9. Yesterday, on day 12, I had two follicles on the left (ARGH!) side in the 14-15 mm range, and one or two in the 11-12 mm range on the right, which means they probably won't go anywhere. I was instructed to up my dosage from 75 IU to 112.5 IU last night and tonight, which probably means that my E2 is lagging despite the decent-sized follicles.

I'm hoping everything will look better on Tuesday and I'll get to trigger that night--a Thursday IUI is manageable, but the logistics of a Friday or Saturday IUI are trickier. I'm also hoping for a little more action on the right ovary. I'm willing to trigger with two follicles on the left and even with two on the left and one on the right, since the chances of the right tube picking up an egg on the left are so small. This might be our last shot--if this cycle doesn't work, we won't be able to cycle again right away because we'll be traveling over Thanksgiving, and I'm not sure we'll be able to squeeze in one more cycle before Christmas. And then we lose our good insurance and have to start making some tough decisions.

In summary: Wake up, ovaries!

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Robbie said...

I was low-and-slow, too, and also found it infuriating. I know that twins would NOT be a good scenario for you, but does it at least help to know that I stimmed for FIFTEEN DAYS before trigger? It was insanely long, but it worked.

I wish you much luck.

3:16 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Lots of luck and good wishes coming to you for your ovaries to pick up the slack and get going. I've felt the same discouragement with trying to get pregnant again and so I know how it feels. It sucks. And you're right, there's no way to duplicate the great things you were doing then--but it's also possible that it was simply the right sperm and the right egg that time (clearly they were, as they produced BG). Hopefully that will happen again.

3:51 PM  
Blogger caramama said...

Good luck! I'm rooting for you!

4:14 PM  

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