Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A bigger wrinkle

We will not be doing IVF. And not because of my job situation (more on that later), and not because of insurance woes.

Last Thursday, we had our IVF class, after which we signed the 8 million release forms required and had a bunch of tests (STD screening and general bloodwork for both of us, cultures and saline sonogram for me, SA for my husband). In addition to all the fun injection practice, the class featured a video tour of the embryology lab, so we could see where the magic happens, learn about all the safeguards in place to prevent this, and see real footage of fertilization, ICSI, assisted hatching, and the other fun procedures that take place there. And while I, the ART nerd, found the whole thing fascinating, it was too much for my poor husband.

Longtime readers may recall that my husband is the product of 12 years of Catholic schooling. He was an altar boy, a Eucharistic minister, and at one point even contemplated joining the priesthood. He is no longer a practicing Catholic, is passionate about science in all its forms, and is a supporter of reproductive rights and advanced reproductive technologies...for other people. But he was already squeamish about the idea of freezing embryos (highly likely for us, since even if we only had 2 decent embryos, we would only transfer one at a time), and the sight of a needle sliding into a defenseless egg, well, frankly, repulsed him.

I told him that ICSI and AH were highly unlikely to happen for us, but that was beside the point. Over a long lunch following the clinic trip (hey, we had the babysitter until 3, why not?), we hashed it out. IUI and ovulation induction don't bother him because they just seem like giving nature a little boost, but seeing that video, and signing all those forms, made him realize that IVF is simply outside his comfort zone. And I can't say that I was particularly surprised, given the minor discomfort he'd expressed in the past.

Obviously I'm not going to push him into anything he's not comfortable with. So after a few more days of mulling it over, we decided to try a few more (carefully monitored) Gonal-F IUIs. I talked to Dr. SF yesterday, and he said I can go off the pill at any point and we can start. (I told him I'd stay on the pill one more week while we await the resolution of this job situation.) Looking at my last cycle, he feels that we went maybe a little too slow, that even though we had the desired result of one follicle, I probably could have used a little more juice. But we don't want to replicate the 2006 cycle where I got pregnant with Bat Girl, because that one was too fast and came too close to overstimulating me. So we're going to shoot for something in between. Still aiming for one follicle, but with a little more power behind it.

I am OK with all of this. Really. I don't feel resentful toward my husband. I had my own doubts and fears about IVF, and I've spent way more time thinking about it than he has. I know that the whole concept wasn't truly real to him until we went through the rigamarole of cycle prep--he needed all of that to really drill down to his core feelings. I'm a bit nervous about doing more IUIs, but at least it's something I'm familiar with. Honestly, I'm a little relieved.

Now I'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting to hear about this job. The folks at Dream Job are suddenly MIA. I was supposed to get a call Monday or Tuesday for a final phone interview, but they never called. If I had to guess what was going on, I would say that after my interviews last week, they called in at least one other person for a final round, and are stringing me along while they determine the outcome. At this point, I'm so burned out by life in general that I almost don't care anymore. Which is sad. The good news is that either way, I will be happy with the outcome. I'll be happy if I get the job, because it's a great job and I would be excited to work there and have a regular paycheck again. And I'll be happy if I don't get the job, because I can proceed with treatment guilt-free.

I think that's all for now. Oh, unless you know anyone in the Big City area who needs a bunch of Lupron and PIO?



Blogger Eva said...

I'm glad you're feeling okay about it. And it's always good for there to be a good side to either outcome. Good luck.

12:13 PM  
Blogger caramama said...

I wish I knew just the right thing to say...

Good luck with the job and the IUI cycles. I know your situation is different, but we were successful with medicated IUIs. So they can definitely work! But you know that.

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

IVF babies born from embryos that are frozen and thawed are less likely to be underweight or premature than those conceived during fresh treatment cycles, research has shown.

5:57 PM  
Blogger MsPrufrock said...

From my many years of blog reading, it seems a fair amount of husbands are against IVF for various reasons. I hasten to add, against IVF for THEM, not necessarily others. Ahem.

I'm pleased he spoke up about it, and great that you've discussed it. Jobs, babies...god, what complicated lives we lead.

6:39 PM  

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