Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The "right" way to give birth

(I guess I'm on a news kick lately, guys.)

I love Rebecca Traister. Here's why:

I have met babies born at home and in hospitals and through vaginas and through surgery, and I call total bullshit on the idea that there is any one path you can take, or any song you can play as your child is being pushed into the world, that can determine who that child is going to turn out to be. Make the choices that work best for your family, for your body, for your budget and for your sense of well-being. But don't buy into the idea that those choices become your earliest parenting gold stars, or your scarlet letters of birthing shame.

Sing it, sister!

For the record, I have friends who had homebirths, friends who attempted homebirths, friends who had unmedicated hospital births, friends who had medicated hospital births, friends who had emergency/unplanned C-sections, and friends who had planned C-sections. I had a scheduled C-section myself. Although I didn't love recovering from the surgery, I have zero regrets about having had a section, and it is one of the few things in my entire conception/pregnancy/birth/postpartum experience that DIDN'T make me feel like a failure. It irritates me when people (like my therapist) try to make me explore my feelings about having a C-section, as if there is no way a person could come out of such an experience mentally unscarred. I got my baby. We are both alive and healthy. What more could I want?

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6 Comments:

Blogger Molly said...

Well put!

5:18 PM  
Anonymous Meg said...

I think the trauma comes into it when things didn't live up to one or another expectation you held.

These were interesting articles, J. Thanks for sharing the links.

How are you doing otherwise?

5:23 PM  
Blogger statia said...

Agreed!!!

Again, it all boils down to it being the right fit for the person and parenting being enough of a guilt trip.

I had a scheduled c-section with the Mini. I have a scheduled c-section with Fetus 2.0. I have absolutely zero regrets about either one.

People ask me if it was painful. Well, yes, it is, because it's major surgery, but I have to say, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was, and I really think that recovery from an emergency c after laboring is probably much harder since your body is so taxed.

I had a great birth experience, so for me, there was no regret about what could have been.

P.S. I got your kiwi question on FB. I didn't want to reply all, but there's no option otherwise. I couldn't find your regular email to send you a reply.

7:37 PM  
Blogger caramama said...

Amen!

I also think the problem is when the L&D doesn't meet expectations. But why the heck are people expecting something specific? You can't plan how you want your labor, your deliver, your recovery, your baby to be! You get what you get. Prepare and expect anything.

For the record, I had an unplanned C-section after 16 hours of labor. Recovery sucked, but the baby and I were fine. And I have NO underlying issues about the C-section. I will schedule a C-section for this one for close to the due date, but if I go into labor before then, I'll try a VBAC. It probably will end in another C-section. And that's okay too.

2:42 PM  
Blogger kbreints said...

Oh I totally agree!! I have always felt like this. Whatever works for people... however you are able to get that healthy mom and baby best.

20 years from the birth of your child they do not give out awards to the women that did not use medication... or to the ones that had the quickest birth.

Every birth story is different and what truly matters is the outcome!

12:28 PM  
Blogger Rachel Inbar said...

Love it!

3:37 PM  

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