Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Dear Whole Foods,

Don't get me wrong. In theory, I applaud your decision to eliminate plastic shopping bags in all your stores. I'm something of an eco-freak myself, and I think we can all agree that plastic bags are evil and polluting and make us slaves to the oil companies and kill animals etc. I like bringing my own shopping bag and I do appreciate the $0.15 discount you give me when I use it.

But. Your plastic bags were the best. I loved them, I really did. They were roomy and hefty (I almost said "big and thick," but this is not that kind of blog, you perverts. Okay, I guess it kind of is) and didn't need to be doubled up. They made the best garbage can and diaper pail liners--they never tore, never leaked, kept in the poop smells better than any other bag. Now we have to use those cheap flimsy bags from the grocery store down the street.

And what am I supposed to do with all of these paper bags? Because sometimes, I just don't have my own shopping bag with me, and I have to use your paper bags (doubled up, annoyingly). And my kid is only 14.5 months old, so she doesn't have any textbooks to cover, and the cat only needs one bag to play with, and there are only so many presents you can wrap in brown paper bags before you become that girl, and you don't want me to be that girl, do you, Whole Foods?

And here's the big thing: I live in the big city. I don't own a car. I walk and take the subway everywhere. I walk from my office to your store, and then from your store to the subway, and then a five-minute walk from the subway to my apartment. And you know, a lot of times it's raining, or snowing, when I'm walking home. And I am just waiting for the terrible day when one of your stupid brown paper bags gets soaking wet and falls apart and spills my groceries all over the sidewalk while I'm walking home in the rain. Uphill. With wet shoes. And my canvas shopping bag is soaked through and my box of stupid yuppie organic "O" cereal gets all wet. And it will be all your fault, Whole Foods.

I will probably continue to spend my entire paycheck at your store, because I'm a lame eco-yuppie like that. But I will hold this plastic bag thing against you. I just thought you should know.



Blogger sara said...

I haven't been there in awhile, but their plastic bags were the best. I'm so bummed to learn that they got rid of them!

12:24 PM  
Blogger Eva said...

I can only suggest uses for the bags: to draw on, to wear as costumes, to save for if you ever need to line a birdcage, to put on your head if your hair is frizzy...

We don't live near a Whole Foods but when we do go, I just can't believe how much we spend on, like, just a bag of broccoli and some tomatoes, you know?

1:16 PM  
Blogger PiquantMolly said...

Oh no! That is sad news. Those bags are freaking awesome.

(I love how one of your options for paper bags was "cat toy." I think we have two of them in various places in the house right now for that very reason.)

1:38 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...


You say Whole FOODS, I say Whole PAYCHECK.

2:46 PM  
Blogger MsPrufrock said...

I've never been in a Whole Foods, as I came from a bumblefuck-ish place in the US, and we don't have them here. I am rather envious of those who shop there though, just based on what I know of them.

I think (assvice and soapbox alert) that more places should get rid of plastic bags. They are the devil. I am not too keen on paper bags for the reasons you mention. Why don't you get yourself some sexay reusable shopping bags? Here in the UK they make a lot of nice ones. I can even send you some. They won't line your bins, but they will save some whales, or the ozone, or some shit like that.

3:50 PM  
Blogger MoMo said...

Oh, I so agree. I miss those bags too. I now have a collection of the brown bag and I have no idea what to do with them.

Sorry I've been slowing in responding to your email-I am working on a huge project and have neglected responding to email in the last week!!!

9:50 AM  
Anonymous Sara said...

I have no love for plastic bags, so I've found some great alternatives in bags that are both compact and waterproof at The Envirosax are super cute, and they are waterproof. They also condense into a compact roll that you could just carry with you in your purse.
Personally, I use the Acme Workhorse bags because they are a little cheaper. They are really strong and fold up into a teeny little pouch. I always carry one in my purse in case I make an unplanned run to the store.

I know there are things you like about those plastic bags, but they're just awful for the environment. Find a creative alternative!

10:08 AM  
Blogger juneheller said...

Do you have an office or a desk at home? They're great trash bags for the office/desk because we're usually only throwing out paper at our desks.

I guess i should be shredding and recycling the paper trash from my office, but I have a 3 month old and it's a miracle if I get any office work done.

I also have one of those little tote bags that folds into itself, it's much easier to remember to bring along because it stores easily in my diaper bag/purse.

You can probably get one the next time NPR needs money.

9:03 PM  
Blogger Brave China Doll said...

Thanks so much! I am content with the plan for now. Were you monitored by an OB only or a specialist as well?

5:41 PM  

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