So: I am to monitor my contractions very carefully and call if there are 5-6 or more an hour. I am to take it VERY easy, continue my magnesium supplements (which, to be honest, I've been sort of lackadaisical about), and drink tons of fluids. I am to come back in one week for another cervix check and fetal fibronectin swab. She may have me use a home monitor to keep tabs on contractions, if my insurance will approve it.
Well, fuck me. I am hoping that the cervical changes are a result of overdoing it a little over the weekend--I did a load of laundry and some dusting on Saturday; went to a friend's house for brunch on Sunday and had a dinner party on Sunday night; and had a big event for work yesterday which was stressful, even though I sat most of the time. It's just so frustrating--I thought I was doing really well, and was making plans for furniture shopping and other exciting out-of-the-house adventures. And now, not so much.
It's hard too because the past couple of weeks have been kind of weird for me, emotionally. I haven't written about it because I haven't been able to process it or put it into words, but it's things like: Two weekends ago, I started our registry--online, of course--and had a total meltdown over, I kid you not, the color of the baby's sheets. As in, it precipitated this whole crisis of, am I the kind of person who decorates her little girl's room in pink, and what does that say about me, and how can I register for sheets anyway when I can't even tell what color they really are on the frigging computer screen, etc. Like, what is wrong with me? And around the same time I was sending in my hospital pre-registration forms, and signing up for childbirth classes, which was its own little stress-fest--because of our various work schedules, the only time my husband and I can both attend a class is on the weekends, and the only weekend class the hospital had open was in late January, way too close to my Feb. due date for my comfort level, so I had to track down an independent class for December. All these things happening that should have been fun and exciting, but were making me a basket case--because it made the whole baby thing too real? I don't know. Add to that some unexpected financial setbacks and I'm really only staying sane by doing the mental equivalent of plugging my ears and singing "LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU."