Obligatory "Where is this blog going?" post
First, the public-service reason. I feel like I'm striking out into uncharted waters here. I've only read one other blog that chronicled a UU pregnancy from start to take-home-baby finish--Miss W.'s, which featured a shortening cervix, months of bedrest, and preterm labor. (Wessel, whom I know we all still miss dearly, wrote about having a perfectly normal pregnancy with her UU, but years after the fact. BTW, did you know that if you go to Wessel's old blogspot.com address, it's now someone's dog training blog?!? The nerve!) I hope that this pregnancy will be somewhat less dramatic than Miss W.'s, but no matter how things turn out, maybe someone else out there will learn something from my experience. At least half of the search engine hits I get are from people looking for info on unicornuate uterus, and I know from experience that there isn't a whole lot of info out there.
Then there's the selfish reason. Again, uncharted waters--I really have no idea what's in store for me over the next 32 (please please please let it be 32) weeks. So far, things have been pretty textbook, and it could continue that way for the remainder of a completely uneventful pregnancy. But things could also all go to hell, in a wide variety of ways, and if they do, I will need you guys. Oh, how I will need you.
Just how much I need you, now and forever, was brought home to me by a fight I had last night with my husband. It all started when he confessed he'd told our neighbor about the pregnancy. Now, our neighbor is a very lovely elderly lady who I see in the laundry room or out in front of the building once a week or so, and we talk about our cats and stuff, but she is NOT someone we are close to in any way, nor is she AT ALL someone whom I would have wanted to know before the first trimester was over. My husband said he thought we were telling people after we heard a heartbeat, and in fairness to him, we never worked out a new telling-people plan after the first one fell to pieces. But the more I thought about it, the angrier I got at him--first, because some very close friends of ours still don't know, and he told our NEIGHBOR first? Then, I started picturing myself running into her after having a miscarriage, and her asking how the pregnancy was going, and me being absolutely destroyed.
Then it just dissolved into a huge sobbing fest with me wailing about how scared I was, and how I really don't trust my body to do this--and my husband becoming progressively more annoyed with me. Yes, annoyed! He said he was so excited about this pregnancy, and he didn't understand why I was so upset and not allowing myself to be happy--after all, look how easy it ended up being to get pregnant, why shouldn't the rest of it be too? (Yeah, you inject yourself in the belly until your ovaries grow to the size of avocados and then we'll talk about easy, buddy.) And I kept setting us up for disaster, and why couldn't I just enjoy the moment and stop reading all the horror stories and BE HAPPY? I said, I'm trying to be happy, I am happy, but it's not like there's a switch I can flip to instantly turn off the worry. This went on for a while, and at some point he said something to the effect of, "Well, if that's how you feel, I guess you're on your own then." And I said, "I guess I am." And I felt so unbelievably alone.
And that's why I need you guys.
(Lest you all think my dearly beloved is a complete asshole, I should tell you that we did make up, and apologies went all around, and we are okay now. He was the one who pointed out that we're both being faced with a huge change in our lives and our relationship, and it's bound to make us both a little crazy and say things we shouldn't from time to time.)