Here we go again

Just before lunch, I went to the bathroom and noticed a tiny smudge of pale, pale, pale brown in my underwear. Huh, I thought. Okay, no need to panic. Went to lunch, came back, saw a teensy tiny bit more. Put in a panty liner and decided to keep an eye on it for a couple more hours. By 3 pm, another teensy tiny smudge had appeared, so I decided to call my doctor--who, apparently, is not in the office on Thursdays--to see what I should do.

I talked to one of my doctor's partners--not Dr. Awesome; let's call this one Dr. Efficient. (There's just the three of them, so I've now dealt with everyone who could end up in the delivery room with me.) She listened to my description of the spotting, asked if I was having any cramping, then said, "Well, to be honest, at this stage, if something bad is happening, there isn't anything we can do about it, and there isn't anything we can do to prevent it." Which I knew. She went on to give me all the reassuring numbers about how common it is to have spotting in the first trimester, most women go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies, blah blah. Then said I should take it easy, and if it got any worse, or if it continued until tomorrow, I should call them first thing in the morning. My doctor will be spending the day covering Labor & Delivery, so I can go to the hospital and have an ultrasound done with her there.

So here I sit, trying to be as still as possible at my desk, trying not to fixate on every little twinge in my belly, thinking "Am I cramping now?"

Ironically, I spoke to my doctor yesterday, to get clearance from her to fly to Small Midwestern City in a few weeks to visit my parents. She okayed it, after asking if I'd had any more bleeding--if I had, she said, being on a plane could make it worse. Dr. Efficient said I could still go ahead and make my plans, since I have my 12 week appointment on August 7 and my doc will be able to check me out before I go. I have to admit that I have not been very enthusiastic about the idea of seeing my parents, and am now wondering just how desperate my body is not to make this trip, that it would create this scary situation just to get out of it.