Better
Thank you all for all the supportive comments and emails. Of course, you made me cry again, but the good kind of cry. :)
I'm doing a little better now. After I wrote that desperate post on Wednesday, I went to the Sidelines website and filled out a support request form...and it wouldn't go through because of some server problem. That was the icing on my mood, let me tell you. So I went and ate way too much food and went to bed, miserable (not the least because I'd forgotten that overeating makes me hideously uncomfortable and I couldn't sleep).
Thursday was a lot better. For one thing, the sun finally came out, which really makes a huge difference in my mood. I also got to go to work for a few hours, which was tiring, but also energizing to be around other people. Contractions seem to be holding steady, even after I got home from the office (which usually ramps up the contractions for an hour or so afterward). My husband is working today but will be home tonight and all day tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to spending some time with him.
And, I just reread this study (also linked in my sidebar) about cervical length and preterm labor in women with uterine anomalies. It's a very small study (64 women, only 12 of whom had unicornuate uterus), but it showed that women who did not have a shortened cervical length (defined as <25 mm) between 14 and 24 weeks had less than 4 percent chance of delivering before 35 weeks. So that was reassuring, as I've never measured less than 30 mm.
As a few of you delicately implied but were too nice to come out and say...yes, my friends suck. I will give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they just don't get it, but seriously, how hard is it to pick up the phone?
One of my oldest friends, who lives across the country, just called me last night--first I've heard from her since I called to tell her I was pregnant back in July, despite the fact that I've been keeping her updated via email on all the drama of this pregnancy. My otherwise sucky local friends are throwing me a shower (considerately being held at a neighboring apartment so I don't have to travel at all) and she wanted to let me know that she was coming...and oh, could she stay with me? She said that if it would be too much for me she'd stay in a hotel instead, but she was really excited to see me. Maybe I'm being an ungrateful bitch, but honestly, wouldn't the most considerate thing have been to book herself a hotel room and then give me the option to invite her to stay, instead of putting me in the position of having to tell her that yes, it probably would be too much for me to have a houseguest a week after Thanksgiving (when my in-laws are coming to stay), and that it might be better for her to stay in a hotel.
Again, she meant well, offering to cook and clean for me (which was nice, although she doesn't know how to cook...), but she just didn't get it. She kept saying things like, "I can help you set up the baby's room! We can move all your office furniture out and set it up in the living room!" which, (a) I think that's a job best left to my husband, not my 5'1", 95 lb friend, and (b) what part of "no unnecessary activity" don't you understand? But she shut up pretty quickly when I told her that not only do I not have anything TO set up, because I'm not allowed to go shopping for furniture yet, but that I'm in no hurry to get the baby's room set up because if she's born before the end of the year, she won't be coming home from the hospital for a good long while.
Speaking of which...I'm debating whether or not to bet on this baby hanging on until 33 weeks. I have to decide whether or not to contribute to a flexible spending account for next year. It would make sense to plan for at least $1000 in delivery costs (hospital copay plus the extra cost of a private room, not covered by insurance), but that's assuming I deliver in 2007. If I ended up delivering before 33 weeks, I'd need to find some way to burn through $1000 in out-of-pocket medical expenses next year, not so easy when you're reasonably healthy and not doing IF treatment. So...am I willing to make a $1000 bet that Bat Girl will be born after New Year's?
Updated to add: Well, apparently I am a selfish person. So said my mom, when I told her about having to tell my friend to stay in a hotel: "I think you're being selfish." So there you have it. Just ignore all my selfish whining, because it seems I am a terrible, horrible person.
I'm doing a little better now. After I wrote that desperate post on Wednesday, I went to the Sidelines website and filled out a support request form...and it wouldn't go through because of some server problem. That was the icing on my mood, let me tell you. So I went and ate way too much food and went to bed, miserable (not the least because I'd forgotten that overeating makes me hideously uncomfortable and I couldn't sleep).
Thursday was a lot better. For one thing, the sun finally came out, which really makes a huge difference in my mood. I also got to go to work for a few hours, which was tiring, but also energizing to be around other people. Contractions seem to be holding steady, even after I got home from the office (which usually ramps up the contractions for an hour or so afterward). My husband is working today but will be home tonight and all day tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to spending some time with him.
And, I just reread this study (also linked in my sidebar) about cervical length and preterm labor in women with uterine anomalies. It's a very small study (64 women, only 12 of whom had unicornuate uterus), but it showed that women who did not have a shortened cervical length (defined as <25 mm) between 14 and 24 weeks had less than 4 percent chance of delivering before 35 weeks. So that was reassuring, as I've never measured less than 30 mm.
As a few of you delicately implied but were too nice to come out and say...yes, my friends suck. I will give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they just don't get it, but seriously, how hard is it to pick up the phone?
One of my oldest friends, who lives across the country, just called me last night--first I've heard from her since I called to tell her I was pregnant back in July, despite the fact that I've been keeping her updated via email on all the drama of this pregnancy. My otherwise sucky local friends are throwing me a shower (considerately being held at a neighboring apartment so I don't have to travel at all) and she wanted to let me know that she was coming...and oh, could she stay with me? She said that if it would be too much for me she'd stay in a hotel instead, but she was really excited to see me. Maybe I'm being an ungrateful bitch, but honestly, wouldn't the most considerate thing have been to book herself a hotel room and then give me the option to invite her to stay, instead of putting me in the position of having to tell her that yes, it probably would be too much for me to have a houseguest a week after Thanksgiving (when my in-laws are coming to stay), and that it might be better for her to stay in a hotel.
Again, she meant well, offering to cook and clean for me (which was nice, although she doesn't know how to cook...), but she just didn't get it. She kept saying things like, "I can help you set up the baby's room! We can move all your office furniture out and set it up in the living room!" which, (a) I think that's a job best left to my husband, not my 5'1", 95 lb friend, and (b) what part of "no unnecessary activity" don't you understand? But she shut up pretty quickly when I told her that not only do I not have anything TO set up, because I'm not allowed to go shopping for furniture yet, but that I'm in no hurry to get the baby's room set up because if she's born before the end of the year, she won't be coming home from the hospital for a good long while.
Speaking of which...I'm debating whether or not to bet on this baby hanging on until 33 weeks. I have to decide whether or not to contribute to a flexible spending account for next year. It would make sense to plan for at least $1000 in delivery costs (hospital copay plus the extra cost of a private room, not covered by insurance), but that's assuming I deliver in 2007. If I ended up delivering before 33 weeks, I'd need to find some way to burn through $1000 in out-of-pocket medical expenses next year, not so easy when you're reasonably healthy and not doing IF treatment. So...am I willing to make a $1000 bet that Bat Girl will be born after New Year's?
Updated to add: Well, apparently I am a selfish person. So said my mom, when I told her about having to tell my friend to stay in a hotel: "I think you're being selfish." So there you have it. Just ignore all my selfish whining, because it seems I am a terrible, horrible person.
posted by electriclady at 1:40 PM
12 Comments:
Hi
I had my son at 33w, I am a fellow UU. My Dr did an ultrasound on me every 3w to check my cervix from the inside and at 29w it started to open (funnel) from the inside. My Dr then gave me the steroid shots and said hopefully he stays put for another 3w. So I took it real easy and ended up lasting 4wks. My son is now a very healthy little one yr old.
Best of luck to you
Don't know what to say about the $1000 issue, not sure I understand it, but it seems to me you are doing amazingly well, and you need to just ensure everyone around you knows how much you're dealing with and how much they need to support you. Like your 95lb friend, for exmple.
Selfish? Oh, that takes the cake. I can think of some responses to that remark but I'm afraid they're not very polite. Grrr.
Glad you found that study-- it seems to suggest what I was trying to say in my comment to your last post-- that cervix of yours is doing a spectacular job! I think if it were going to misbehave horribly you'd have seen some sign of it by now. It gets a gold star and a pat on the back. (Do cervixes have backs??)
I just want to throw a temper tantrum for you! What the heck! Sometimes people can be so damn insensitive, including family. At this point, you have a duty to take care of Batgirl. It's not selfish, it's your job! Taking on house guests, arranging furniture, and stress in general, are no good with a UU. I wish I could help you in some tangible way. Big hug!
It's not unreasonable to tell your friend to stay in a hotel. You are not selfish. If anyone says you are, ask them if they think it's best for baby. "Mom, is it best for baby if I entertain for two weeks straight while on strict bedrest?" Only an insane person could say yes, which I know any Mom can work around but still, the point will have been made. If your friend has a financial issue, perhaps she can stay with your selfless mother, or another friend?
Does your husband need LASIK or something like that? That's what we were planning on in case I got pregnant on my second IUI cycle and had to figure out how to use the rest of our health care flex spending.
I hadn't checked in for a bit, and I wanted to tell you that yes, your friends are being a little insensitive to your needs. It was somewhat selfish for your friend to ask to stay with you anyway, but with you on bedrest, it becomes ridiculously selfish. Your mom clearly has no clue. I hope they realize what you actually need, and soon.
Yup, totally selfish. I don't know how you can live with yourself.
(You know that was just dripping with sarcasm, right?)
No, you are most certainly not the selfish one in this picture. I am not on bedrest, (I'm still riding the IF TTC rollercoaster) and *I* have a hard time dealing with houseguests. I just recently tried to get out having friends stay with us, because their stay coincides with the end of a two-week wait and I can't imagine having someone here to entertain during the week I'll be getting my period. Just the thought of it makes me a bit panicky, since I usually just fall apart for a few days. Obviously this doesn't even compare to your situation at the moment. You have every reason to demand what is right for you and Bat Girl. You have enough stress going on, and I hope your family and friends manage to understand it. Reading you makes me wish we were friends and I'd come visit you and try to give you support. Hang in there girls, rooting for you.
Oh Lord, I think I was NOT one of those 'nice people' who perhaps danced around the idea of your friends being somewhat disappointing.
I think I came out and just said that, and I apologize for being so direct.
It's amazing how I can STILL manage to stick my foot in my mouth In writing, ON-LINE!!!
But saying that, I still have to agree with the other posters who said you are not selfish, and that your friend should definitely stay in a hotel.
I'm sorry all of this is just adding extra stress that you don't need.
I hope your shower is amazing -- sending you good thoughts!!!
No, not selfish . . . just hormonal. (Your mom is definitely bitchy, though, no hormones about that!) The circumstances around my first pregnancy were exceedingly crappy and no one could do anything right -- I truly believe everyone meant well, and in hindsight I'm grateful for that, but at the time . . . I was scared and stressed and sad and angry and very very annoyed that no one could fix it.
I'm very sorry it's working out this way.
(On a side note . . . I delivered a singleton via c-section while on COBRA and then twins via c-section 7 years later and insurance (two different companies, neither particularly wonderful) covered all of it. So could it be possible that your $1000 delivery cost info is mistaken?)
Watson--actually, you were direct but not mean at all, and it was so nice to hear someone come out and say it!
Meira--yeah, the hormones sure ain't helping, that's for sure! Re: delivery costs, most is covered by insurance except $100 copay for the hospital...but in this city, or at least at my hospital, a private room (which is not covered by insurance, and which I am just princessy enough to want) costs $400/night extra. Yikes.
Well, a major UGH to the $400/night private room costs. I delivered in small hospitals and got a private room both times (I might not have the second time, but they wanted me to have lots of space!)
But the super crappy part? I can't speak for you, but I HATED being stuck in the hospital, so I'd have been damn pissed to spend $400 a night for THAT experience. Note to self: start breastfeeding approved anti-depressents BEFORE delivery! lol
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