Friday, August 04, 2006

The shut-in's life

Being at home this week hasn't been as crazy-making as I thought it would be. Mostly, I'm relieved. Relieved that I don't have to be sitting at the office unable to concentrate on anything but the contents of my underwear (one of the joys of infertility that I get to carry with me into pregnancy! hooray!), relieved that I have not had to go out in the approximately 100-degree heat the past three days. In fact, I have not left my apartment for approximately 93 hours and counting.

I'm also lucky that I'm not on full bedrest, which I think would be crazy-making. I spend a good portion of every day in my home office--unfortunately the one room in the apartment that is not air-conditioned, but I crank up the AC in the other rooms and try to get a little airflow going--propped at a decidedly unergonomic reclining angle at my computer. I take a break every hour or two and lie down for 15-45 minutes, depending on how long I've been sitting up. I ordered in groceries and my husband cooks dinner every night, but I can handle being on my feet long enough to fix myself some cereal or a sandwich during the day.

Everyone at work has been great. I asked my supervisors to keep the news as low-key as possible, so only they, my good work friend, and my assistant know, that I know of. My boss sent me a really nice email congratulating me and telling me that I shouldn't worry about being away from the office and that I should let them know whatever I need. Also that when she was pregnant with her son, she had bleeding at about this stage and was terrified she was losing the pregnancy, so she can totally relate.

Oh, the important part: I'm still spotting, but it seems to be dwindling in quantity and is dark brown, no red. I have my regular 12-week OB appointment on Monday, and I'd better get an ultrasound or I will have to raise hell. I'm also entertaining myself, when I'm not working, by stressing out about every pregnancy-related symptom--is it decreasing? increasing? I'd almost welcome a good bout of vomiting, if only to sort-of reassure myself that things are still cranking along. It doesn't help that nausea and sore boobs are naturally supposed to subside around now, so I can't tell if I should be worried or not. I'm even sometimes afraid to go to the bathroom, for fear that I will poop the baby out. I know it's totally irrational--if I could poop the baby out, that would mean my cervix was so wide open there would be no way I could hang on to the kidlet--but there you have it.

I've also been getting these weird panicky feelings in my chest--like my heart is clenching up. It's not a full-blown panic attack, but it happens often enough that I'm definitely going to mention it to my doctor on Monday.

Three more days and I'll get to see my baby again. Hang in there, little one.


Anonymous Erin said...

Glad to hear that the bleeding is subsiding, and that you're getting so much support from work. At this point, the symptoms become worrisome--are they going away because of a miscarriage, or are they going away because you're nearly at the end of the first trimester and that's when they tend to start fading? I'm sure it's scary to have both bleeding and disappearing symptoms going on at once.

If they don't do an u/s, I will personally come there and help you raise holy hell.

4:31 PM  
Blogger MoMo said...

I am glad to hear that the bleeding is subsiding...and also you are staying inside and not going out in that heat!! And that is great that your work is so makes a huge difference. I hope the doctor's appointment goes well on monday...I will be thinking of you!

5:50 PM  
Anonymous Watson said...

I am glad you're taking it easy and trying to stay cool...and also happy that your work seems to be supportive, which is great.

Good luck at your dr.'s appointment, I'll be thinking of you!

6:24 PM  
Blogger sube said...

Good that you're taking it easy and that work isn't making it unnecessarily stressful. Seems like the rest is doing you some good.

Good luck on Monday.

4:19 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I'll be thinking about you and sending wonderful vibes your way!! I don't know what I'd do without my doppler. I am a worrier, and it has totally helped me to feel more relaxed. If I start to worry that something is wrong I can pull it out and listen to the heartbeat. Have you looked into getting one?

1:34 PM  

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