Monday, June 11, 2007

Done

My last pump occurred without fanfare or ceremony, last Tuesday morning (coincidentally Bat Girl's four-month birthday). I didn't even know it was my last pump at the time. I was down to just one pump a day, and decided to try for 36 hours pump-free. Then on Wednesday night I decided that instead of pumping I'd hand express an ounce or two, just enough to relieve engorgement. (The milk I've been getting at this point is pretty thin, but I'm giving it to Bat Girl anyway, just for the heck of it, mixed with some formula because I no longer care if I waste it.) It worked so well that on Thursday I packed up the pump and haven't looked back.

I met my goal of being done pumping by the time we had to travel to my in-laws'. I did have to hand express a little on Saturday night (nothing like standing in your in-laws' bathroom, hunched over a bottle, milking yourself), but I was thrilled not to have to drag the pump with me. I'm STILL leaking, dammit, not to mention occasionally getting letdown while I (bottle) feed Bat Girl (the wonders of oxytocin, my friends). So I'm still wearing nursing bras and pads, but I'm hoping by the end of the week I'll be totally done with that too.

And you know what? I don't regret quitting, not one bit. Yeah, I still wish I could have breastfed Bat Girl, but I will not miss pumping, and all that hard, hard work.

Life with an infant isn't all hearts and flowers, and I need to be careful not to blame all the hardness of those first few months of new-parenthood on pumping. But not pumping sure does make it easier, that's for sure.

*****

I do still want to write that all-things-pumping post; it's partly written already, but it's going to be a long one so I need to work on it some more. Meanwhile, I'm faced yet again with the classic what-am-I-going-to-do-with-this-blog dilemma. Infertility: done with, for now (perhaps someday we'll enjoy round 2!). Difficult pregnancy: over, thank goodness. Boob catastrophes: concluded. So hopefully I'll have a lot less of all that woe-is-me crap that is normally my fodder for blogging. For some reason I'm uncomfortable just becoming a mommy blog with cute kid stories, though of course I'd like to write about myself as a mom and the whole life-sucked-into-vortex transformational bit. I guess I'll need to take my head out of my ass and start writing about the world outside my girl parts for a change, huh?

3 Comments:

Blogger heather said...

i'm still reading about your adventures (with or without IF talk). our girls have the same bday and i'm basically a mommy blog now too. but we're going to ttc again when she's one, so it'll go back to that eventually. congrats on weaning successfully. i've enjoyed reading your thought process on it all. you're a great mom!!

5:05 PM  
Blogger Eva said...

It took me some transitioning to get over blathering about my breastfeeding troubles and move onto other things. For a while I was, of course, really fixated on that. But now it's so nice to be done with that chapter and not have to think about it anymore. I totally do NOT regret weaning, even though it was earlier than my goal. I am glad you're not regretful, either.

My last pump was not that exciting, either. I kept thinking it would be really dramatic, but I ended up not even knowing it was my last.

My memories of the first months (um, the first 8.5 months) are inextricably linked to the horrorshow of pumping with low supply, but I think I enjoyed that time anyway with her (though it sure would have been easier and nicer and calmer without breastfeeding to content with). But for damn sure I do NOT want to do this again so keep babies away from me! (Not hard to do since I have PCOS and am infertile.)

Really, congratulations on weaning. How exciting! Great work!

8:27 PM  
Blogger Eva said...

Oh I forgot my #1 advice for weaning: as soon as your breasts get back to normal you HAVE to treat yourself to a fancy new bra, a dress you can't pump in, and some alcohol!

8:32 PM  

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