Of course, Bat Girl caught my cold too. (So did my husband, but he can take care of himself.) It's her first sickness--the first of many, I know, but that doesn't make it any easier--or alleviate the guilt I was already feeling at leaving her to go to work, now double since my going to work is indirectly responsible for her being sick now.
Although she has a sad little cough and runny nose, I'm taking some small comfort in the fact that she isn't nearly as sick as I am, and I'm hoping the fact that she's getting my breastmilk (with the antibodies I'm making against this cold) will mean she'll recover more quickly than she would otherwise. Of course, being crazy, I also can't help thinking that maybe if I wasn't pumping, I'd be better rested/less harassed and therefore less run-down, and wouldn't have gotten sick in the first place.
Again, she had to get sick eventually, and I guess I should just be thankful that it's relatively minor...and that our pediatrician has weekend office hours. I called in sick to work today and Bat Girl is sleeping all snuggled up on my chest in the sling, so there are some compensations.
Dr. G. directed me to take the domperidone for eight weeks, then slowly taper off both it and the herbs (fenugreek and blessed thistle). (Remind me that someday I want to write a whole post about everything I've done to build supply, as well as how I pump etc.) This Friday will mark eight weeks exactly. And I've decided to begin weaning this coming weekend, with the goal of being totally weaned off the pump by the second weekend in June, when we're going to my in-laws' for the weekend. Not sure yet if I'm going to taper off the meds or just go cold turkey--I think I'll taper, but more quickly than I would have if I were continuing to pump.
I love giving my baby breastmilk. But I hate what I have to do to get it. I will probably always regret that I have to give her formula, but I won't regret no longer having to be chained to the pump for hours a day, or having to listen to or see her squealing happily alone on her playmat while I sit three feet away bonding with a pair of plastic cones. Before this all happened, I had always wanted to breastfeed for at least a year. Depending on how long it takes for my milk to dry up, Bat Girl will have gotten breastmilk for 3.5-4 months, which is way longer than I thought I would ever stick with it back from the vantage point of two weeks postpartum.
This was a tough decision. And Bat Girl being sick right now almost made me reconsider (in addition to making me think, on the contrary, "WTF am I working so hard at pumping if she's going to get sick anyway?!?"). But exclusively breastfed babies get sick too, and formula fed babies can be healthy and happy. And I just can't do it anymore. I am done.