Bat Girl turned 3 last week, and I know I owe the 10 of you some sort of birthday post, which I will try to get to, I promise. (Though a lot of my mommyblog-type energy gets diverted to Facebook, where it's easier to throw up a sentence or two about some cute/hilarious/crazy-making thing my kid just did.)
But I just got off the phone with Dr. SF, and I wanted to get this down before I forgot. I called him earlier today and left a message asking whether there was any value to my having an HSG, just to make sure my tube is clear, since we're taking a break from treatment right now anyway. He called back and we ended up having a long discussion about options and next steps. Everyone involved is clear that, medically speaking, IVF would be the most efficient and responsible way to achieve a pregnancy. But since that's officially out of the question for us due to my husband's beliefs/discomfort/whatever you want to call it, Dr. SF said there's no reason why we can't continue to do injectible IUI cycles--we just have to be patient. Looking at the numbers, the last cycle I did in November was almost identical to the cycle where I got pregnant, and it's just luck (or rather lack thereof) that it didn't work. My FSH is good, husband's sperm looks good, so I should be able to get pregnant, it'll just take more time and finesse.
I explained to him that because we no longer have insurance coverage for IF treatment, we'll be waiting a few more months before diving back in, so we can either save up for another cycle (though I do have that Gonal F chilling in my fridge, thank goodness) or maybe acquire some insurance with IF coverage. Dr. SF said that if we do change our minds about IVF, there are a few grant programs available through the state and through the clinic that can help pay for it, so that's good to know (though I don't think we will change our minds).
Since my last period in November, I'm 99% sure I haven't ovulated. I spotted on and off through most of January, and last weekend finally started a heavier bleed, but it doesn't look or feel like a real period. Dr. SF said that if this "period" lasts more than 7-10 days, or if at any point I go more than 60 days without a period, I'm probably not ovulating and I should go into the office to get bloodwork and probably a Provera prescription, to clear things out.
And he had no objections to my getting an HSG (which my insurance will cover), and said he'd have a nurse call me to make the arrangements. Couldn't hurt, might help. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for--if it turns out my one tube has been clogged this whole time and all those cycles last year were a waste of time and energy and $$$, I will be pissed. On the other hand, it will be a weird sort of relief to have something concrete to blame it on, rather than this feeling of frustration that it SHOULD have worked but didn't for no discernable reason.
The lack of insurance/$ provides a handy excuse for not diving back in right now. It's true, we do need to wait from a financial standpoint, but I'm still burned out from all those back-to-back cycles last summer and fall. I still can't contemplate sinking a needle into my belly again without a wave of revulsion passing over me.
But I do have baby fever. It's weird--as you all know, the newborn/baby phase was NOT my favorite. Yet I do feel a yearning wistfulness when I see a baby, and sadness that Bat Girl's baby days are long past. I snuggle my great big long-legged potty-using girl and have a tinge of wishing for a baby to cuddle. Clearly this is part of nature's plan to perpetuate the species, by making the baby urge stronger than the "oh God never again." But I also wish for a sibling for BG, for her not to be alone in the world. Sigh.
I know there are more thoughts here but if I wait until I have the time to sort them out and get them down I will never finish this post. So just fill in the blank here with everything ambivalent that anyone has ever said or thought about having another child, and I'll go ahead and hit "publish."